I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
