Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize