If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My life is pants optional.
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