Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
