dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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