I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
