I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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