The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
