i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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