Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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