So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
