he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i love accidental penises.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
