I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
whose parrot is this?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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