K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
