why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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