I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
birth control should be required to get into college
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You may now shotgun with the bride
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
