She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Send help, water and tortillas.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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