the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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