maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
