Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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