even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
