Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
