I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
