The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
