Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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