Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
