dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
