In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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