I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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