not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize