Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
