we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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