He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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