just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
