I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
