margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
