mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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