Screwed.edu
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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