Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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