I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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