Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
