weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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