I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
