Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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