So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
