i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
