singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
