Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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