It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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