I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
