checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
