Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
