Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
