oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My dick has a subreddit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
