So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
