you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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