she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
