"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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