Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
