I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
