either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
